Today marks baby R’s first birthday and it only just struck me that I have never written about my birth story. Well, better late than never I suppose, and I thought I should recount the whole experience before my mum brain decides to fail me.

It was 4am when I woke up to head to the toilet, like every other pregnant mummy. How much longer would I have to do this for?! I let out a sigh and waddled back to bed. The heavens must have heard my pleas. As I lay down, I heard a pop sound and felt some fluid trickle down my legs. I immediately got up to check and I leaked even more! My waterbag had burst. Omg those squats worked?! That was the first thought that crossed my mind. I was doing squats the night before, as suggested by my prenatal masseuse to avoid being induced.

The second thought that crossed my mind was ok, I need to bathe now or I won’t get to bathe for a month (due to confinement)! I woke my hubby up before that and he was surprised by how calmly I told him I was gonna take a shower before heading to the hospital. I even remembered to line my undies with a thick pad and protect the car seat with a waterproof liner.

The journey to the hospital was rather uneventful, peaceful even. I think we have never enjoyed a smoother ride on the expressway as 3/4 of the country’s population was probably still in lala land. We arrived at the hospital at 5am and was promptly whisked into a room with several beds. I was hooked up to a machine that tracked my contractions and was told I was already experiencing mild contractions, although I hardly felt any pain. If I recall correctly, I was only 1cm dilated. After a visit to the washroom to cleanse my bowels, my hubby and I were asked to wait for my gynae in the labour ward.

6am – my gynae arrived! I wasn’t dilating fast enough and was induced via the drip. Contractions were mild initially but they became 1-2 minutes apart at around 730-8am. I immediately requested for an anaesthetist to administer epidural. I couldn’t be more relieved when the epidural took effect. I didn’t book a doctor in advance but by some stroke of luck, my preferred anaesthetist came to my rescue!  kept upping my epidural dose throughout as I felt my right side wasn’t as numb. If you’re afraid of pain, just get epidural right from the start and I assure you you won’t regret it. I experienced a number of side effects such as shivering and vomiting, which were still tolerable compared to labour pain.

Then the waiting game began. After countless programs on tv and multiple checks throughout the day, I was still only 5cm dilated at 7pm. In between, my hubby left for a short while to have dinner with his friends at the hospital’s delifrance. I was told it was probably going to be a long night for us until my gynae started inducing me via drip. By 9pm, I was fully dilated and asked to push. After an hour of pushing, nothing seemed to happen. Partially, I couldn’t feel anything down there so it took me a while to figure out which muscles to activate. I think I was also distracted by the tv as I was looking forward to watching Pompeii at 10pm. My gynae must have guessed my intention – she promptly turned off the tv and told me sternly that if I didn’t get the baby out soon, I would have settle for an emergency c section as baby was running out of oxygen. Her “encouragement” certainly helped as Rhapsody was born shortly after that, weighing a grand total of 2.82kg (sounds so auspicious). What a relief!

I remember I had a sudden craving for orange juice immediately after childbirth. But oops, bad move. I vomited immediately after. JW later told me that he thought he was going to lose me during the labour process as I looked like I was in tremendous pain but in reality, I was really just trying very hard to push despite not feeling  much pressure. Honestly I always had doubts about whether I could have done natural birth but my gynae never once wavered in her judgment. I couldn’t be more grateful to her for making my pregnancy and delivery a breeze.

And one year on, everything still feels so surreal.

Happy birthday baby R! We hope you’ll enjoy your cozy little celebration later today. Your papa and I still can’t believe we survived one year of parenthood! It’s an incredible feeling to hear you call me mama, and it’s a privilege to have you in my life. But..please call papa a little more often so mama can take a break too ;P

It never struck me that it was a culture here to touch babies who belong to strangers until I had a baby myself. When I first shared about a waiter at So Pho (Clementi Mall) who had the audacity to kiss (yes, not just touch!!!) baby R without any warning on my igstories, I received a deluge of direct messages from fellow mummies who empathized with me and told me they shared similar experiences. In my case, I told the waiter and the manager off right away but many mummies were shocked beyond words and couldn’t react in time.

Some mummies told me that they’re afraid of offending people who touch their babies as they are just friendly souls who probably mean no harm. But  what truly bothers me is the issue of awareness over here. Isn’t it common sense that babies are the most vulnerable to diseases?

I’m sick and tired of having to avoid strangers who can’t wait to lay their hands on baby R.
I don’t know where you’ve been, what you’ve touched and if your hands or mouth are clean before you happily reach over to touch my baby. There have been actual cases of babies dying from cold sores because of an “innocent” kiss from a stranger. In fact, more than half the population carries the oral herpes virus. Did you know that when this virus is passed on to a baby through what you may think is just a kiss, it can cause serious illness or even death? Our hygiene awareness surely isn’t on par with our economic development (most people still choose not to wear a mask when they’re sick) and I’m not sure if that could be one of the causes of the HFMD outbreak here in recent years.

Also, just because babies can’t defend themselves yet doesn’t mean that you can treat them any way you wish. Babies are not toys. They are little human beings and should be treated with respect. How would you feel if a stranger suddenly came up to you on the streets and pinched your cheeks, let alone give you a kiss just because he or she thought you were cute? Wouldn’t that be akin to molest?

We all know how difficult it is to care for babies, even more so when they are not in the best of health. So please spare a thought to the next parent you see on the street. No matter how cute his or her baby may be, exercise some self-control and do not, I repeat, do not, reach over to touch the baby without the parent’s consent.

As a first time mum, I’m definitely no expert when it comes to parenting. But having been a mum to baby R for 4 months, I’ve come to realise that there are 5 things I wish I knew about mummy hood to ease me into my new role. I’m hoping that by sharing my thoughts in this space, I’ll be able to help new mummies or soon-to-be mummies too.

1) Not to have any expectations of your child

Well-meaning friends and even the mummy community at large love to share about their children’s development. How much they weigh, how much they eat, whether they sleep through the night and which milestones they’ve achieved. Being a first time mum, I realised such information stressed me up more than anything else. For instance, I wondered why baby R was still waking up every 1.5-2 hours to feed, why she couldn’t sleep in her cot, didn’t seem to enjoy tummy time or put on as much weight. Instead of celebrating the milestones that she achieved ahead of her time (she loves books and is able to take instructions!), I was focusing on those that she hadn’t yet achieved, which I believe is unhealthy behaviour in the long run because every child grows differently and should be given the opportunity to develop to their full potential at their own pace. As a parent, I have learned to embrace that and as long as baby R is happy and healthy, that’s all that matters.

2) Not every baby is a textbook baby

I’m talking about strict routines, awake timings, sleep training and methods to teach your child to self soothe or to sleep through the night. I’ve tried some of them and while I seemed to be successful initially, the success was almost always short lived.

I had an epiphany one morning and decided to put a stop to everything. Instead, I decided to observe baby R closely to understand her preferences and behaviour better. Don’t get me wrong. I always made it a point to observe her but I think previously, I was more preoccupied with fitting her into a routine or using a particular method to train her. I mean, the lack of sleep is real and you don’t exactly make the best decisions when you are sleep deprived. I know she’s only 4 months old but I can tell she is so much happier now. She has always been smiley but she used to cry the house down as well. Now, she hardly cries and smiles all the time, even in her sleep.

I guess only a mother will be able to understand what her child needs, so do what you deem fit and don’t let someone else (or some book) make you feel bad about it.

3) You will feel alone

This rings true especially for nursing mums because who else can substitute you in the wee hours of the night? And in my household, nobody hears baby R’s cries when they’re fast asleep. Except me.

Adjusting to this new lifestyle took a while, but always remember there are tons of nursing mums out there who are awake in the dead of the night too. I find that connecting with mummy communities on Facebook and WhatsApp groups really help.

And again, always remember that this too shall pass but the bond with your child will last a lifetime.

One day, she’s not going to need her mummy anymore.

4) It’s ok to not feel ok sometimes

After all, a mummy’s body went through a lot. The physical trauma from birthing and hormonal changes wrecking havoc, coupled with perpetual lack of sleep and the responsibility of raising a child  – yup, a recipe for disaster. I have on many occasions broken down because I simply felt overwhelmed. And that’s ok (as long as it’s not an everyday affair) because raising a human is no mean feat!

5) Get the best mattress, skincare and vitamins

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Can’t get enough sleep? What you can’t get in quantity, you make up for it in quality. I currently co sleep with baby R in a bid to get more sleep and I also realised that when you have a good mattress, it makes a world of difference. Same with skincare. For me, eye cream, skin brightening serum and sun block are my must-haves to look presentable. I’ll leave my beauty regime for another post if you’re interested to find out more.

Oh yes, remember your vitamins too. You need to stay in the pink of health to care for your little one!

It may come as a shock to some that I lived alone during the whole of my second trimester. My hubby had a 3-month overseas stint and since I embrace solitude, being home alone didn’t bother me at all.

What if there was an emergency and I had to go to the hospital? I would probably have just called for the ambulance. That said, directing my focus towards leading a healthy lifestyle served as a distraction from any negativity.

 
Home-cooked meals & Gestational Diabetes
I failed my  gestational diabetes test when I was in my 29th week. Well, my dad has type 2 diabetes so it didn’t exactly come as a surprise. This meant that I had to watch my diet carefully and test my sugar level on a daily basis.

Simple carbs were out of the question and I took mainly brown rice or low GI breads with meat and vegetables. To break the monotony, I also slipped in my favourite Raffles Hotel mooncake on cheat days. Surprisingly, my sugar level didn’t shoot up.

On the other hand, I tried taking simple carbs for all 3 meals one day and omg my sugar level 2 hours after dinner shot up. What a stark reminder that moderation is key.

Of course, having a mother-in-law who cooks well helped. I had my fair share of delicious yet healthy home-cooked meals delivered to my doorstep. Whenever I had time at home, I would also whip up some western meals that are high in protein and low in carbs.

Sufficient sleep
I don’t have a habit of sleeping early, but I made sure I had sufficient rest. At least 8 hours of quality sleep on average.

These days, I’ve to admit it’s getting harder to get up in the mornings.

Exercise
I took up prenatal pilates (after friends told me it’ll be easier to get back into shape after delivery) but I came to realise I really enjoy this sport, even more so than my first love yoga. I started pilates from the beginning of my second trimester and I think it’s very effective in preventing backaches.

For the record, I sit on backless bar stools at Foxhole Cafe all the time and I don’t use any form of back support. I’m 35 weeks now and nope, I haven’t experienced any backaches (I hope I don’t jinx this *touchwood*).

Supplements
In addition to supplements prescribed by my gynae, I also take chicken essence and occasioinally bird’s nest. My mother-in-law buys black chicken from the market and makes chicken essence from scratch  for me once a week. I supplement that with chicken essence from Tian Yuan Xiang, a popular Taiwanese brand favoured by Hong Kong and Taiwanese celebs, on alternate days or daily (if my pregnant brain remembers). I’ll be writing a review on their products soon, so if this is of interest to you, do keep a lookout for my upcoming post.

Natural remedies
I caught a cold towards the end of my second trimester due to the sudden dip in temperature islandwide. Runny nose, scratchy throat, you get the drift…I mean, can you believe it was 26 degrees in Singapore during the day? It wasn’t even the monsoon period.

I wasn’t keen on taking medication so I relied mainly on my best friend Google who told me that Manuka honey and lemon water as well as a salt gurgle would help to ease my symptoms. These worked like a charm, but it still took me about two weeks to fully recover. Fortunately, I felt well enough to head to Foxhole Cafe for my shifts.

Bad news. I think my nose is extra sensitive during pregnancy as I am nursing another cold right now.

Staying positive
I know it can be tough when pregnancy hormones are wrecking havoc. It helped that I had the support of likeminded mummy and non-mummy friends/clients who empathised with me. Two of my best friends even came to do a massive clean up of my house before my helper arrived! I also indulged in hair treatments (thanks to ToliV salon) and antenatal massages to keep stress levels down and basically just unwind.

And now that the hubby is back, I’ve happily passed on the responsibility of setting up the nursery and grocery shopping to him while I kick back and relax by shopping on Pupsik, Redmart and Mothercare.😆

Indeed, it isn’t. But sometimes, it makes you feel handicapped. Because not every woman has the good fortune of experiencing a growing uterus (and baby of course) without the accompanying side effects of nausea, vomiting, dizziness, fatigue, food aversions and mood swings. And mind you, these are totally beyond your control. You’ll never know when any of these ailments would strike. It could happen anytime, anywhere.

During my first trimester, I threw up whenever I saw food on TV. Or I would be at my cafe prepping food, and the next minute, without warning, I’d be grabbing a plastic bag doing a Merlion with bloodshot eyes.

It’s not like the common flu where you can just pop some pills and keep symptoms under control. Plus there are days or weeks, especially in the first trimester, when you just feel like shit and the only way to feel better is to lie in bed.

Sadly, no medication will make you feel better. Even if there is, you will think twice about taking them unless absolutely necessary because you’ll worry about potential impact on your unborn child. Honestly, if that doesn’t make you feel handicapped, I don’t know what does.

I remember managing an 11-day event that ended at 3am everyday while nursing a bad flu and high fever before I was pregnant. I’m very sure I couldn’t have done the same now. Case in point: I went on a 4 day staycation with my hubby and all I could do was lie in bed all day because I was constantly nauseous and tired. I felt like someone else had taken over my body. I nearly blacked out on a few occasions too – when I was standing in line to buy breakfast and when I was standing on the train for an extended period of time.

I also hated plain water until recently. I couldn’t stomach anything other than home cooked Chinese food till the middle of my second trimester. If you know how much I love food, you’ll know that my food aversions did nothing to lift my mood. I cried more easily too and the slightest trigger would set me off.

Every pregnancy is different. Some people have it good. Some people have it bad. Even if you had a baby previously, that doesn’t guarantee your next pregnancy would be smooth-sailing.

Admittedly, I would never have understood how tough being a working preggy mum is until I’ve experienced it for myself. The intention of writing this piece is not to whine, rant or seek sympathy. In fact, I’ve never told anyone the extent of discomfort I felt till now and I know many have it far worse than I did. I hope that by sharing my experience, people around us can better understand what expectant mothers go through and try to empathise with them, regardless of whether their pregnancy was by choice or not.

After all, being able to put ourselves in someone else’s shoes is one of the most desirable traits of human beings.

Be kind, because pregnant ladies are fighting battles too, just like you. Nobody expects you to kiss their feet or worship them just because they’re bringing life to this world but basic courtesy/common sense and little gestures like giving up your seat on public transport would certainly help. A little compassion goes a long way,  especially in our increasingly self-entitled society, and if we could all be more understanding, perhaps, just perhaps, our dwindling birth rate is more likely to pick up? 😉

Some of you may already be aware that I started running a cafe at the end of last year when I announced the birth of my new baby, Foxhole Café (@foxholecafesg), in collaboration with friends from The Pourover Bar. By some stroke of luck, this baby has spared me from other baby-related questions during this Chinese New Year too.

Friends, relatives and customers alike have been asking me about my motivations for starting a cafe and what it is like to actually run one. Truth be told, I am far from a domestic goddess. I don’t cook regularly and neither do I bake. Fortunately, no man is an island and I can’t be more grateful for being able to work alongside my capable partners to make this venture happen.

And so, the question remains.

What is it like to run a cafe?

1) Long Working Hours

Cafe hours are no different from retail hours. We believe in being hands-on at the initial stage, so you’ll see me at the shop everyday from 10am to 10pm (except Tuesday, our off day). Coming in before 10am to set up the shop and finishing past 10pm due to clean up is the norm. Be prepared to sacrifice your social and family life – well, fortunately, they know exactly where to find you.

2) Lots of Multi-tasking

Multi-tasking is absolutely necessary especially when there are multiple drink and food orders. Cashiering, serving and cleaning duties aside, we develop our own recipes and prepare all the food and drinks by ourselves.

Yes, working at a café is like playing Diner Dash in real life.

3) Chatting with customers

Service is important to us and going the extra mile to talk to customers, seek their feedback and make them feel at home is at the heart of what we do. The customer is always right and we value all feedback, both positive and negative.

4) R&D and Liaising with Suppliers

In between food prep, cleaning, serving and the works, we are also communicating with suppliers, sampling ingredients and coming up with new recipes. Intensive R&D is done before we roll out each and every item on our menu because we only serve what we would personally put in our own tummies.

5) Marketing & Photography

Marketing through various platforms takes time, and we are always on the lookout for new collaboration opportunities. In many ways, this baby of mine has taken my passion for marketing and photography to a whole new level.

I wish I could tell you all we do is chill out with songs from our amazing Spotify playlist playing in the background (although you may spot us jiving to the beat every now and then), but the truth can’t be any further from that.

I guess in a nutshell, that’s what running a café is like. At least at the onset before you start building a team that you can trust. It’s no secret that the F&B industry is a challenging one. Being able to find the right people to join our team is just one of the hurdles. It takes a lot of hard work intellectually, physically and mentally, but at the end of the day, putting a smile on our customers’ faces and seeing these familiar faces come through our doors again and again is what keeps us going.

Plus, in my mother-in-law’s opinion, a real woman is able to whip up a feast and I have miraculously morphed into a real woman in her eyes after starting a café. It’s always good to get your mother-in-law’s nod of approval, no?

Did you become more ‘prosperous’? Why are you so skinny? You should eat more! These are just some of the more common questions that pop up during Chinese New Year gatherings. While our relatives may be genuinely concerned about how we are leading our lives, they may not understand that these questions put many of us in a difficult position.

Year after year, I get questions about whether I am eating enough or if I have worms in my tummy because I am so skinny. The truth is, I have a very healthy appetite. In fact, my friends can attest that I have a voracious appetite but I just don’t put on weight as easily.

So, how do I deal with such awkward situations?

Putting on Your A-Game Look

Start by having confidence in yourself. Personally, I find that dressing well and putting your best foot forward gives me that extra boost of confidence. To dress well, pick out clothes in colours that suit your skin tone. Know what your best and worst features are and choose clothes that flatter your body shape. For me, I try to pick clothes with ruffles or details that give me more ‘volume’. It works because I realized I don’t get questions about my weight as often as before!

Sounds easier said than done?

Here’s some useful advice from Lunch Actually’s image consultant Celeste Bo:

THOSE Questions That You Get When You Are Single

What about other questions like:

When are you getting married? Are you attached? When are you having children?

I for one, always have to brace myself for questions related to procreation every Chinese New Year.

These questions are harder to answer in my opinion. But, I have come to realize that being honest instead of evasive or negative makes a difference. Just let your relatives know that you are actively looking for a partner, trying your best to start a family and give them a wide smile. More often than not, they’ll let it pass.

Here’re some other tips that you can pick up from Lunch Actually’s Senior Dating Consultant Andrea Tan:

Finding Love This New Year

Now that you have enough ammunition to counter all the awkward questions that you’ll face this Chinese New Year, perhaps it’s about time to sit down and think about how you can truly find love this new year?

Many of my friends who are single lament about the lack of opportunities to meet new people. How do you expand your social circle to meet more people? Do you know what you want in a partner?

Gather some tips from Lunch Actually’s Senior Dating Consultant, Joy Tay:

I’m sure most of us need no introduction to Lunch Actually, which offers personal, discreet and secure dating service to working professionals like you and I. What’s great about their service is that a screening process is conducted for each and every individual, and the dating consultants go the extra mile to understand more about your lifestyle, interests and character to find a high quality match for you. Psychological, intellectual and physical factors are taken into consideration too.

More importantly, rest assured that your personal information including photographs and contact details are kept confidential as only your first name will be disclosed to the other party. Everything is arranged for you on the backend by their dating consultants based on your availability and preferences. Once a match is found, all you have to do is turn up at the restaurant!

Interested in a complimentary consultation with Lunch Actually?

Click HERE to find out more!

I have been married to a rock climber who also happens to be a military man (click here to read my post on Being a Military Wife) for 8 years now.  We are probably the most unlikely couple around, simply because I don’t climb at all and most rock climbers tend to marry rock climbers.

Why did I, a non-climber, choose to marry a rock climber?

Here are some reasons why.

1) It made me move out of my comfort zone and grow as a person

I am risk averse by nature. I was never an adrenaline junkie and never in my wildest dreams did I think I would try hiking, paragliding or even be close to nature, for that matter.

After dating (and subsequently marrying) a rock climber and following him on a couple of outdoor climbing trips to overseas destinations that I would previously deem as God-forsaken, I managed to step out of my comfort zone, develop a greater sense of adventure and discover a side of me that I never knew existed.

I even belayed him on our trip to Spain. Well, I ended up flying off the cliff into the forest at one point and sustaining a huge bruise as part of the experience but nevertheless, it was fun. I also did paragliding during our trip to New Zealand.

I never knew I could do these things.

Personally, I think dating and marrying a rock climber taught me to embrace different experiences, to push boundaries, not be bounded by societal norms and more importantly, to always challenge myself and live life to the fullest.

Life is short. Live it.

2) I began appreciating the simple pleasures of life and became happier

Most rock-climbers are very down-to-earth. They don’t need to dine at fancy restaurants or stay at fancy hotels.  Despite my seemingly “princessy” demeanour and appearance, I actually began to enjoy being at one with nature, appreciating the simple pleasures of life beyond just material pursuits and going back to basics. While I do appreciate the finer things in life, I realized I don’t need them to be happy.

It made me understand that materialism is the source of a lot of unhappiness, as it forces us to compare our possessions and achievements with that of others. I’ve seen how this relentless pursuit for materialism has destroyed relationships and marriages. Divorce procedures are definitely a pain and it is hard to find a good divorce lawyer in Singapore.

I am glad to have broken out of that cycle.

3) You’ll never be the target of pickpockets or crimes

Because of how grounded rock climbers are and the nature of the sport, they usually hang out in singlets and 3/4 trousers or berms. They may not be the best dressed people around, and even less so when they are covered in chalk and sweat right after a satisfying climbing session.

But that’s great because they won’t be natural targets for pickpockets or crime syndicates thanks to the way they look.

Oh not forgetting those muscular biceps probably act as a deterrence too.

4) He’s usually thrifty

A typical rock climber will probably never ever throw out that old singlet from a rock climbing competition 10 years ago. It could be for sentimental reasons but as long as it still serves its purpose, he’s going to wear it again and again.

They don’t need to shop much and most of their moolah goes to items that will improve their performance on the rock wall, such as climbing gear and shoes.

What this means is, as a couple, you’ll probably be able to save more money together or travel to lovely places which are less-trodden such as Rodellar (Spain), which unexpectedly, is still one of my favourite destinations today.

Of course, it’s still nice to channel some funds to meaningful activities that would help the retail economy.

5) He is your real-life Spiderman

One of the perks of having a rock climber hubby is that he is able to climb effortlessly to greater heights (literally), just to take the perfect OOTD shot for you or capture that magnificent sunset atop a cliff.

Locked out of your room because you forgot your keys and you live on the 8th floor? Don’t worry, your very own Spiderman can climb up buildings in a flash to save his damsel in distress.

Disclaimer: I would only recommend this if you really can’t get hold of a locksmith.