A wedding lasts a day, but a marriage lasts a lifetime. Or so we hope.

It takes a lifetime of work and commitment to sustain a happy marriage. Sometimes, people start to drift apart and begin to lead their own separate lives. Sometimes, certain visions, values or principles that perhaps both of you used to hold close to your heart get compromised or lost along the way. Sometimes, the love you once felt so strongly for each other gets eroded with time, and at best, you end up feeling like you are just living with a companion or a best friend. In the worst case scenario, you feel like you are now living with a stranger…uncomfortably.

Does this all sound too familiar to you? Why does this happen and when do you call it quits?

I am no marriage expert, having been married for just over 8 years, and I am not about to attempt to wreck your marriage by encouraging you to seek a divorce, which should always be the last resort.

All I wanted to do is to share my views on when and why I would seek a divorce. According to my friend who also happens to be a Singapore divorce lawyer, the lack of communication (and not sexual infidelity) is usually the root of all evil. That is why I think it is important to share your ground rules with your partner and accept each other’s value system before you even get married so that you’re on the same page.

Have you ever been so blinded by love that you would do anything that your partner asks of you? For instance, changing your dressing according to his likes and dislikes, eating the food he likes to eat, or participating in a sport that only he enjoys? 

While it is good to take your partners’ likes, dislikes and interests into consideration, striking a balance is crucial as pandering to his every whim and fancy will only lead to a loss of your individual identity. We are all entitled to our own opinions, views and ideals, and I feel that if my partner is unable to understand this and accept that we have differences, therein lies a deeper problem – a lack of respect for me as an individual. 

Respect is an important part of love, and if my partner doesn’t respect me, what love is there to speak of?

Some people think that marriage or having children is the panacea to all problems. Unfortunately, fundamental issues like a clash of expectations or values will never go away magically with a marriage certificate or a new addition to the family.

Perhaps your partner wants you to be a housewife – cook, clean and look after your children, but this doesn’t gel with your aspirations of being a career woman or an athlete who loves adventures and the great outdoors. Or perhaps you enjoy the finer things in life but your partner is contented with a simple, frugal lifestyle. 

If compromises are made willingly, the marriage might work, but if either party feels coerced or forced to make changes, neither would truly be happy. If the differences are irreconcilable, they will only become more apparent over time and will drive a wedge between both parties.

We know that sustaining a marriage takes effort, but in our fast-paced society, we can get so engrossed with various aspects of our life like work and kids that we end up forgetting to hold our partner’s hands, give him a hug, or even ask him how his day is.

Don’t even get me started on intimacy in the bedroom. I read that men are biologically programmed to require intimacy in the bedroom in order to feel loved (also confirmed this with some friends), but it is the complete opposite for women. Making a conscious effort to go the extra mile usually does wonders for both parties. Always make time for each other, and for us ladies, sometimes it doesn’t hurt to take the initiative, if you know what I mean. 😉

Intimacy is an important aspect of any relationship as it is a special way of bonding and communicating with your other half. Without intimacy, you are no different from being just friends. If left unnoticed and unchecked, a couple could well be seriously estranged in the intimacy department. You may have heard about the 5 Languages of Love – Gifts, Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service and Physical Touch (Intimacy). If you find that you and your partner are just unable to connect well in the language(s) of love that mean the most to each of you even after trying, your marriage will be mundane at best.

These are just 3 signs that a marriage is going downhill and I hope that by penning them down, they will serve as a reminder not just to me, but also to everyone out there whom I care about, to prevent these scenarios from happening in your marriage.

Should I ever find myself falling into a downward spiral, I pray that I will have the strength and courage to communicate with my partner, seek help and only reach out to a divorce lawyer as a last resort. 

While I am in a happy and healthy marriage currently, and of course it is our hope that we live happily ever after, I am not ruling out the possibility that people may change, when we least expect it. Because you never know.

I usually travel with friends or family but I have had to go solo on a number of trips for both work and leisure.

Is it safe for a lady to travel alone to a foreign land? Well, it really depends on where you choose to go, how you present yourself, how well-prepared you are, and your attitude when things don’t go as planned.

Some smart travel tips can also be useful, but if you’re thinking of going solo, here are a couple of tips from my personal experience that I hope you’ll find useful!

Do some research online (e.g. Tripadvisor) and shortlist some hotels within your budget. I can’t emphasise how important it is to err on the side of caution when you’re traveling alone, which is why I prefer to avoid Airbnb until stricter regulations come into play. At the end of the day, hotels have a reputation to protect, but not all homeowners do.

Get a wireless router before you depart or buy a local SIM card upon arrival. Personally, I only use Google Maps or Baidu Maps (in China) on my mobile phone. Holding a map in your hand seems like the most sensible thing to do in a foreign country, but unfortunately, this only highlights to the rest of the world that you are a tourist. It only gets worse when you hold a map and look like you’re completely lost, which brings me to my next point.

I don’t always have the best sense of direction but Google Maps definitely makes me feel like I know where I’m going ( make sure your phone is fully charged and bring along a portable charger). Double check the addresses and directions with your hotel concierge before heading out and if all fails, pop by a cafe or eatery to ask for directions.

Always look like you know what you’re doing and where you’re going, even if you don’t. Look confident, remain calm, and never have fear or lost written all over your face or you’ll risk being singled-out by scammers and pickpockets. If you do get approached by random strangers, just keep moving. Yup, now’s the time to put on your “resting bitch” face.

Shanghai – Yu Garden

 

4. Dress in neutral or dull colours

The whole idea is to be able to blend in with the crowd. The last thing we want is to attract unwanted attention when we are alone. Research the locations that you’re traveling to and find out what the locals typically wear. If you obviously can’t pass off as a local due to your race, at least try to pass off as an expatriate who has been living there for a long time.

Always do your research and find out where the potential danger zones are located – e.g. dodgy neighbourhoods and certain modes of transport or transport companies that should be avoided. It is also important to find out where the nearest clinics/hospitals are, what the local police hotline is and where your country’s embassy or consulate is located in case of emergencies.

I once booked an accommodation in a relatively unsafe neighbourhood (I found out only on hindsight) when traveling alone. Fortunately, nothing untoward happened but it was rather unnerving to have to live in fear, even if it was only for a few days.

 

6. Keep your valuables close to you at all times

Never place important documents like your passport, cash and credit cards or valuables like your laptop or iPad in your luggage. I always keep them close to me, preferably in a sling bag that comes with a zip. I also make it a point to keep a separate stash of cash in a hidden compartment in another bag. This will come in handy in the event that I do fall prey to pickpockets.

 

London – Exploring Buckingham Palace on my own

 

7. Never provide real-time updates on social media

Being a social media addict myself, I know how tempting and instantly gratifying it is to share real-time updates. To protect myself, I never ever reveal the name of my hotel when I’m traveling alone, and even when I do share pictures on my social media platforms, these are not real-time updates. With so much public information readily available these days, you’ll never know who is trying to keep track of you.

 

8.  Keep in touch with friends and family back home

You may be miles apart, but letting your family and friends back home know where you are at every point of your journey is important when you’re traveling alone. In the worst case scenario that you get into trouble, they’ll have a better idea of how to reach you.

 

9. Don’t be penny wise, pound foolish

Thriftiness is a virtue, but not when safety is compromised as a result. There are just some things that aren’t worth scrimping on. Choosing to walk down an empty street late at night instead of forking out extra cash to take a cab puts you at a greater risk of getting into trouble. Whatever it is, we need to constantly remind ourselves that safety should always be our top priority.

 

10. Buy Travel Insurance

As I travel pretty frequently, I always make it a point to purchase annual travel insurance for peace of mind. Comprehensive travel insurance is relatively affordable these days and will adequately compensate you for loss of baggage, delayed baggage and medical expenses incurred overseas.

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These are just some general rules that I abide by when I travel and I find that they have worked well for me thus far. If you’ve any other travel tips that you’ll like to share, do drop me an e-mail at regina.chow@gmail.com.

For more of my latest travel updates, follow me on instagram (@reginachow_sg) and Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/shoppingqueenshaven)

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This post was brought to you in collaboration with Hotels Combined.

 

 Happy New Year! 

Being
away from home always makes me appreciate what I have back in Singapore. It makes me treasure family ties and friendship even more. Although I
am very much an introvert and am perfectly happy being alone (yes,
believe it or not, I can entertain myself without feeling bored most of
the time), it is comforting to return to warm hugs from friends and
family, as well as engage in free-flowing, no-holds-barred conversations
with these very same people whom I have known for decades. 

They
say familiarity breeds contempt, but if you delve deeper, the beauty of
familiarity lies in how it gives rise to close, intimate relationships
that are unfaltering and able to stand the test of time. I love how I
can be completely honest with close friends and family without having to
worry if anything I said has crossed the line, simply because there
aren’t any lines to begin with.

Needless to say, it gives me boundless joy to be able to bask in the company of my family and friends as we enjoy the new year festivities. It is also a relief to finally be able to head outdoors without all that extra weight on my shoulders (literally), having been bundled up in layers for many months in Nanjing thanks to winter. This lovely cut-out number hails from Forever New’s Kendall x Kylie Kardashian collection which was
released some months ago and is now completely sold out.I have been a fan of Australian label Forever New for many years now and would highly recommend them for work wear and evening wear. Their quality material, flawless workmanship and timeless designs never fail to impress. I was tempted
by more than just one design in this collection and I wish I had
followed my heart then

What about you?  What did you wear for Chinese New Year and what are some of your favourite labels? 

 Hope
you enjoyed the long new year weekend and here’s wishing everyone good
health, happiness and success in the year of the monkey! I am in the midst of packing for my next trip out of Singapore as you are reading this. I’m taking a short trip this time to the land of smiles and as it is, thinking about it is already making me smile from ear to ear.

I have always found SK-II’s #ChangeDestiny campaign inspiring. 

You may have read my thoughts on how we can overcome challenges and societal perceptions to change our destiny a couple of months ago. This time, in the video above, renowned Singaporean fashion designer Priscilla Shunmugam shares how she chose to ditch her law degree and pack her bags for London to pursue fashion design simply because she believed that was her calling.

When Priscilla graduated from law school, as per her parents’ plans, she had a bright future ahead of her in the legal industry but deep inside, she knew this was not what she wanted. Today, she owns fashion label Ong Shunmugam. How many of us have the courage to step out of our comfort zone and go against all odds to realise our dreams, just like Priscilla?

A calling makes work and life meaningful. It gives you a purpose in life. Everyone has a calling, but have you already discovered yours? If you haven’t, you are not alone. 

What is your calling?

To find out what your calling is, the first step is to understand the difference between a job and a purpose in life. When the main objective of work is to support your family, the paycheck is what you are going after. That is a job. 

On the other hand, if you are working to further an idea to bring it to fruition, it is important not to let your paycheck, no matter how fat it is, become an obstacle. And this is exactly what Priscilla is telling us in this video.

For more inspirational #changedestiny stories, check out the links below:

SK-II Facebook Page

SK-II Website

SK-II Youtube

**This post was sponsored by SK-II, but as always, all thoughts and opinions are my own.

According to a study conducted by SK-II, 80% of women feel that our future is predestined and that whatever happens in our lives is beyond our control. 

We are told that we should work for passion. We should take control of our lives by ditching jobs that do not interest us, in the hope of finding our dream jobs. In reality, however, many of us stick on with jobs that we have no interest in because of the way society perceives success, or to ensure that we can put food on the table and have a roof over our heads.

If you have the opportunity to watch your life on playback, just like a movie, do you think it’ll be a movie worth watching?

Can we really change our destinies? How do we overcome our challenges and societal perceptions?

1) Draw up a list of what is important to you 
  
In our quest to ensure that our basic needs are met, try not to lose sight of what is important to you as this gives meaning to your life. Have you always wanted to start a new business? Do you value family time, hanging out with your friends, blogging, swimming, running or climbing? Draw up a list (prioritize please, it shouldn’t be a laundry list) of what is important to you!

2) Lack of time or money is not an excuse
 

We often lament about the lack of time or money to pursue our interests. Make it a point to set aside just 10-15 minutes a day to indulge in your passion. You’ll feel rejuvenated instantly. That’s what blogging does to me. 

No money to pursue a hobby such as traveling? Make it a point to save. Everything comes with an opportunity cost. Cut down on unnecessary purchases, take the public transport and eat at hawker centres. You’ll soon be able to make your travel dreams come true.

3) Be your own agent of Change

 Blogging has always been a passion, and never in my wildest dreams did I think that it would open up so many windows of opportunities for me, especially in terms of sponsorships and advertorials.

I only started blogging actively in my late 20s and you know what, it’s never too late to start. If yesterday was a bad day, try something different today.  

Believe in yourself, be your own agent of change and gradually, you’ll be able to change your destiny. #ChangeDestiny

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What are you doing during the school holidays? It is a good time to take a break after the exams, go for a short holiday, or even take up a part-time job or internship to make full use of your time before school reopens.

Why should you take up a part-time job or internship?

Good grades may be important, but practical working experience and testimonials from past employers will set you apart from the sea of fresh graduates seeking job opportunities as our job market becomes increasingly competitive. 

I remember grabbing every opportunity to take up part-time jobs and internships to build up my resume and make some extra pocket money when I was still schooling eons ago. On hindsight, I realized that besides monetary remuneration and invaluable working experience, I gained a deeper understanding of myself, my strengths and weaknesses and most importantly, what I was looking for in a career upon graduation.

 It was an eye-opening experience. I learned that desk bound jobs were not my cup of tea and I really couldn’t sit down for hours on end facing a computer screen or filing documents. On the contrary, I really enjoyed marketing and sales promoter roles where I got to meet and interact with people from all walks of life. It was challenging having to deal with difficult customers from time to time, but being able to put a smile on their faces and turn things around gave me a tremendous sense of satisfaction. Fast forward to today, and yes, if you were wondering, I am currently still in customer-facing role.

 

What about you? Do
you know what you want to do with your life upon graduation? Some of us
do, but most of us don’t. The fastest and easiest way to get an inkling
of what you would like to do and develop the relevant skills in the process is to embark on a journey of self-discovery
through part-time jobs and internships. 

What is the difference between part-time jobs and internships?

The key difference between part-time jobs for students and a Singapore internship is that the latter is generally in line with your field of study and serves to supplement your academic learning. Part-time jobs on the other hand, have less stringent requirements when it comes to hiring students from a certain field, but this doesn’t make them any less challenging or meaningful. 

Through part-time jobs and internships, you will also get to assess if a particular industry or corporate culture gels with your personality and career aspirations. With a better understanding of yourself, your environment and the necessary skills required to succeed in an industry of your choice, you will certainly get a head start when it comes to securing your dream job later on.

More importantly, if you take the initiative to do well in your job, connect with your bosses and co-workers and leave them with a positive impression, be it in a part-time job or internship, there’s always a good chance that opportunities would come knocking on your door when full-time positions need to be filled. 

Where should you start looking for part-time jobs and internships?

 Thanks to technological advancements, information on anything and everything is readily available at the touch of your fingertips these days. A quick desktop research on “part time jobs singapore” and “internship singapore” would give you a better idea of current opportunities in the market and what potential employers are looking for. 

Remember, first impressions count, so I thought I would leave you with 5 tips to secure that job/internship:

1. Customize your resume to highlight skills and experiences that are relevant to the job that you are applying for (most candidates tend to omit this critical step.)

 2. Highlight your strengths and experiences that are relevant to the job that you’ve applied for in your resume and at the interview

3. Do your due diligence on the company that you’ve applied to prior to the interview

4. Dress appropriately for the interview

5. Go in with a positive attitude. Employers are always on the lookout for people who are eager to learn and contribute.  

Hope you found this post useful and here’s wishing you all the best in your job search!

2014 has been a tough year, judging from the number of aviation accidents, the worst flood in Malaysia in the last 40 years, Ebola epidemic, ISIS, and the list goes on. Against the backdrop of negative events and an uncertain global outlook, we have blog wars in Singapore and an exposé. What we have going on in Singapore’s blogging scene right now is really miniscule in comparison to these life-threatening global events and instead of jumping on the bandwagon to share my viewpoints on such issues, perhaps we can all take a step back, breathe and think about how we can protect ourselves against negativity as we strive to welcome the new year on a positive note.

Because after all, life is full of ups and downs and learning how to defend yourself against negativity is a life skill that can and will vastly change your quality of life. 

Here are a few tips that I’ve put into practice and internalized during the past year and I hope these would help you just as much as they have helped me:

1. Hang Out with Positive People (or try to influence your peers to be positive!)

I know for a fact from first-hand experience that hanging out with friends or family who enjoy complaining about every facet of their lives has a damaging impact on your thoughts and perspectives. Pessimism only breeds more pessimism, and when you are constantly surrounded by negativity, you will naturally be conditioned to think that that is the way to go. Negativity is contagious and it leads to a dangerous downward spiral.

JW
is my source of positivity. He is grateful for everything he has in
life, sees meaning in his work and actively pursues activities that makes him happy. When you are
surrounded by people who are positive, driven and contented, your mind will be conditioned to think likewise.

  

Do you ditch the people around you if they happen to be negative? Well, sometimes people complain because deep inside, they are actually pleading for help. Before jumping to conclusions and judging them for their actions without truly figuring out what’s wrong, show them a little concern and support. It is always easier to overcome negative feelings when you have the support of loved ones.

2.  Change The Way You Think

Our thoughts are entirely within our control and we have the freedom to choose how we wish to think. More often than not, it’s the way in which we react to an event that makes it negative. In every situation, no matter how hopeless, there is a silver lining. I know it sounds easier said than done, but as cliche as this may sound, it is really all in the mind. 

 There was one point in my life when I was literally complaining about everything. Fortunately for me,
I have JW to thank for giving me a reality check and making me realize
that complaining is NOT normal and wouldn’t change anything. It’s a complete waste of time, unproductive and at the end of the day, you end up unhappy. Does it change the situation that you’re in? No, so what’s the point?

Now, I constantly remind myself to focus on searching for solutions and resolving problems instead of harping on what went wrong and complaining about issues or people that I cannot change because some of these things are just beyond my control. 

When you think positively, it changes your behaviour and attitude. It allows you to pursue activities that bring happiness and opens up your mind to opportunities that you never thought existed.

3. Pursue A Hobby

 I firmly believe that aside from work and family, we all need hobbies that we are passionate about to keep us sane. A hobby is a welcome distraction in times when you just need to take your mind off things that are bothering you. When you’re doing something that excites you and gives you happiness, negative thoughts are less likely to invade your mind. For me, blogging, styling and photography do just that. Do you have a hobby too? If not, perhaps it’s time to pursue one.

 I know it isn’t easy to stay positive amidst all the negativity, but we can all start somewhere and take baby steps as we go along. 

Always remember to let your smile change the world, but never let the world change your smile.

Here’s to a positive 2015!

 

Blush Pink is perhaps one of the prettiest and daintiest colours I’ve ever come across. It is more feminine than beige, but not overwhelmingly sweet like pink, yet just as classic as black or white. I can’t quite find another colour like blush pink on the colour wheel.

I bought this blush pink dress from I.T. in Hong Kong a couple of years ago and it was only recently that I uncovered this hidden gem lying in the depths of my wardrobe. 

It was time to bring it out to let it sparkle.

 

Its vintage inspired Victorian design is made contemporary with pointy nude heels from Miu Miu and a splash of accessories from Korean label, Redeye. 

Where do I get my accessories? That’s one question that I often get from readers and friends alike, hence I decided I should share more about my latest craze, Redeye. I first came across the brand in Seoul, but I found out through a friend that they now have a branch in Johor Bahru at City Square Mall. I paid them a visit during my recent staycation and needless to say, went a little crazy over their accessories.  I especially love the statement pearl ring, which I personally think is a welcomed change from its more common pearl necklace counterpart.

 I’m definitely heading back to JB for more stylish yet affordable Korean accessories. The extensive collection ensures that you’re spoilt for choice, regardless of the final look that you’re aiming to achieve. If you’re heading to JB, remember to stop by Redeye! 

Accessories aside, the lovely Swan Lake Gazebo at the Botanic Gardens provided the perfect backdrop for this ensemble. I enjoy taking long walks in parks and I couldn’t be happier that the cooler temperatures of late has made this possible. 

 Nestled amidst lush greenery, the gazebo overlooks the swan lake near the entrance of the gardens. The gazebo represents a piece of history as it was built in the 1850s and was originally located at Old Admiralty House along Grange Road before it was shifted to the gardens. Historic structures like these are part of our cultural heritage and lend character to our concrete cityscape. I love the intricate details on the grilles of the gazebo and I wish that more of such architecture could be preserved in our country to allow the old and new to coexist in harmony.

Dress from I.T. Hong Kong

Shoes from Miu Miu

The Great Gatsby Book Clutch from My Jotter Book

Pearl Belt from my mum

Accessories from Redeye, JB

I hope you enjoyed this week’s edition of Fashion Fridays. Thanks for reading and have a great weekend ahead!

Want to look like a superhero without compromising on style? I came to realize that the cape blazer will easily do the trick for mere mortals like you and me. It’s chic, stylish and can take you from work to play depending on how you pair it. 

The cape blazer design is also perfect for our humid weather. I hardly ever wear blazers in Singapore but I really like how the cape design keeps you warm when you step into an air-conditioned room while the slit sleeves help you to look and feel cool when you step outdoors under the blazing sun.

I’ve worn this cape blazer with a formal pencil dress for work, but for weekends, shorts are my staple. Of late, I find myself favouring shades of black, white and grey. I have also started to gravitate towards simple, minimalist pieces with clean lines. That was how I came up with this ensemble. A simple leatherette cropped top, a pair of embossed shorts and a cape blazer all in the same shade, accented with touches of gold. Sometimes, the beauty of an outfit lies in its simplicity and I’m surprised it took me so long to discover this.

 

Cape Blazer from Love Bonito

Cropped Top from MDS

Shoes from Charles & Keith

Cuff from Hermes

Clock Bag from Taobao

I
have been back in Singapore for some time now, and while it is great to
be back with family and friends, I haven’t been doing so well in the
health department. In times like this, I really wish I was a superhero with immediate self-healing powers. If only I could be a female version of Wolverine and Superman with my cape blazer!

 I
pulled a muscle due to a persistent cough, which recently led to a
painful inflammation of the membrane protecting my lungs (also known as
pleurisy). The bad news – I was in so much pain I could barely walk or
lie down. Even talking, breathing or laughing hurt and I could not move my right waist for days. The good news is, Arcoxia (a strong painkiller) helped a lot and I’m much better now. I have to minimize any movement as it adds pressure to my waist and back area but thankfully, my cough has faded into oblivion.

In spite of all the pain and inconvenience, this episode serves as reminder that I shouldn’t focus on how stressed I am and instead remember how blessed I am. 

The hubby is on an important course this month hence my parents have
been taking me to the doctor and going out of the way to make sure my 3
meals are settled. My dad also makes it a point to drive me to important
meetings that I cannot miss despite my condition. 

Every cloud has a silver lining and there’s so much to be grateful for.  

 

The
early-morning text messages from my mum just to check that I’m fine, the cozy
lunches with my dad every afternoon since the mishap happened, their silly antics that made me laugh even though they cracked me up so bad my injury hurt, the hubby’s attempts at placating me with comfort food (i.e. unhealthy food) as I’m sick of plain food, and even text messages from the colleagues persuading me not to go for less important meetings lest I hurt myself again. It warms my heart from inside out and I honestly cannot be more appreciative for everyone and everything. 

 

Thank you, all of you are my superheroes.

 

I’ll be back in the pink of health soon, I promise. 🙂